Why It Is Difficult To let Go Of Your Past
Letting go is hard because it means that you need to free yourself from some aspects of your past
Letting go may be extremely difficult for you especially if you have low self-worth. You may be on the people who talk bad about themselves. You probably think that you’re ugly, or that you’re a failure, or that you deserve all the negative things that have happened to you.
Many of us get stuck in the past because of our need for certainty. Certainty is one of the six basic human needs and is fundamentally about survival. We all need to feel certain that we can avoid pain and, ideally, find some comfort in our lives. Letting go of the past also means stepping into the unknown future. It means having the courage to let go of what is familiar – even if it’s negative – and being vulnerable enough to embrace and learn from what’s ahead.
The other reason it’s so difficult to learn how to let go of the past has to do with the way we link emotion to information. Consider, for example, a woman who has a feminine core. If her partner does something that causes her emotional pain, she may tend to bring it up over and over again throughout the relationship. Her partner feels like it’s impossible to win because no matter how much he does to amend the situation, she continues to punish him for his previous transgressions.
“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” ~Marianne Williamson
When life knocks you down, it’s virtually impossible to start over. Instead, we want to nurse our wounds and cry in our misery. We want to quit our jobs, travel the world, find a Brazilian lover, start a blog…
While I may or may not have done some of these things from the book Eat, Pray, Love, my divorce was rock bottom in my life. Life had looked so promising until it all came to a crashing halt.
The past few years have forced me to rebuild myself from the rubble of heartbreak and loss.
Be gentle with yourself
If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion.
Olivera says this looks like treating ourselves like we would treat a friend, offering ourselves self-compassion, and avoiding comparisons between our journey and those of others.
“Hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to able to avoid pain; however, we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and lovingly when it comes,” Olivera explains.
How to Let Go of Things from the Past
It’s a question many of us ask ourselves each time we experience heartache or emotional pain: how do you let go of past hurts and move on?
Holding on to the past can be a conscious decision just like letting go and moving forward can be a conscious decision.
Tips for letting go
One thing that connects us as human beings is our ability to feel pain. Whether that pain is physical or emotional, we all have experiences of being hurt. What separates us though, is how we deal with that pain.
If you’re trying to move forward from a painful experience, but you’re not sure how to get started, here are some tips to help you let go.
1. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts
How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts.
2. Council yourself to let go and move on
To let go, you must counsel yourself that it is time to move on. It requires you to make yourself understand that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny. It also requires deciding that if you want to move forward then you have to let go.
3. Go out with friends or family
Your friends and family can be a great source of comfort and solace in situations where you find it difficult to let go and move on. You can go out, talk, and share your feelings with people who love you and truly listen to you, and they can give you a totally fresh and different perspective on things.
4.Forgive
Forgiveness is one of the most essential things to do when you have to let go and move on. Forgiving others, forgiving yourself, and forgiving the Universe is significant for allowing yourself the space and freedom of moving on. According to Steve Maraboli, “unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
5. Be gentle with yourself
If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion.
Olivera says this looks like treating ourselves like we would treat a friend, offering ourselves self-compassion, and avoiding comparisons between our journey and those of others.
“Hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to able to avoid pain; however, we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and lovingly when it comes,” Olivera explains.
6. Allow the negative emotions to flow
If you’re fear of feeling negative emotions is causing you to avoid them, don’t worry, you’re not alone. In fact, Durvasula says that many times, people are afraid of feelings such as grief, anger, disappointment, or sadness.
Rather than feeling them, people just try to shut them out, which can disrupt the process of letting go. “These negative emotions are like riptides,” explains Durvasula. “Let them flow out of you… It may require mental health intervention, but fighting them can leave you stuck,” she adds.
Accept that the other person may not apologize
Waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you will slow down the process of letting go. If you’re experiencing hurt and pain, you must take care of your healing, which may mean accepting that the person who hurt you isn’t going to apologize.
